On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
