I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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