So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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