When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
