Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
