You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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