Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
