IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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