my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
