Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize