I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
