hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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