this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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