some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
