Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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