Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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