So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
