Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
