if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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