we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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