Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
