mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
