So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
