Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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