Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
