i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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