We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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