whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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