Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
