Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
