how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
