I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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