i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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