i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have fence marks all over my body
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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