that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
