I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk is a universal language darling
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