its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry about my life...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
