How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
