If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You are a genius and a whore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
