You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
