She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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