we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
