a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
