It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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