i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
