in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize