dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
