so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
