So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
