He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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