I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
