I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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