im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
