She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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