the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
