can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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