i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
