i already hear my dad disowning me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
