Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
