Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize