my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
