weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
