If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
