Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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