I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have aggressive nipples.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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