I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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